I, Present.

I made the decision to set out on my own during the fall of last year. Somehow I never realized the metaphorical significance of that until now.

The fall season foreshadows to all life that you must minimalize and simplify everything in the name of survival. Growth stops, trees shed leaves and all of the color in the world slowly fades. All life must strip down to its bare essentials for the coming winter and prepare to bare the brunt of the elements. This is precisely the process that I have adopted in terms of my emotions and finances.

You are always your own worst critic but when the winter hits, you are shut indoors and you are alone the criticisms flow faster than the scotch. The questions that dizzied my head all relayed to marriage, fatherhood, commitment, family, morality, sacrifice and several other heavy hitting and akin topics. You eventually have to bundle up to the only thing you have; your principles.

As the ice began to thaw, I began to accept myself. In hindsight, when you're not seeing red or trying to focus through tears, the clarity is truly profound. Are there lasting ramifications to my decision to follow through with a divorce? Undoubtedly. Will more good come from that decision to all parties involved? Unequivocally.

As the decomposed leaves serve to enrich the soil for it's next endeavor, I will break down these now-useless feelings and allow them to enrich my soul, filling in the holes that were torn open. The winter is over and seeds of new direction have been sown. My potential has patiently gathered under the soil and its appetite is thoroughly wet.

The summer sun is just beyond the horizon. I have put behind me all of the concerns with any of the actions I have taken. I have begun to understand what I look like on the inside for the first time in my life. I thought once I understood and accepted what brought me to where I am then my path moving forward would be clear to me. It is not.

My new found confidence of standing tall, ready to move on is jaded by the oddity of not knowing where to go. It is only now that I realize everything I've been working on and trying reconcile are all things in the past. I have been dealing with the thoughts of events that have already occurred.

I realize, I am finally in the present. I have arrived but I have not yet begun. My confidence and aspirations are firmly affixed to my being and they bring a smile to me as I take this first step.